Map, Tat, Nuke!

November 15, 2007

First...finally! The Best Buy brainiacs declared my Ipod DOA thus granting me a credit. I immediately purchased a new 80Gig Ipod Classic! And while sipping a blueberry pomegranate martini I reconnected with my Audible account and downloaded a bunch of books AND podcasts. My girl Phyll hipped me to the joys of podcasts--they are FREE on Itunes--wow it's a wicked awesome way to keep up on current stuff: books, films, Terri Gross, gossip, 60 minutes, and since my new Ipod has video I can watch episodes from HBO of Larry David and other comedians. And let me say right now, laughter is the best medicine. Speaking of laughter...the only video podcasts that won't download for me were the Bill O'Reilly ones! LOL, he knows I'm so far left I have no business watching! I plan on guffawing all the way thru this whole nuclear odyssey ahead and who better to share it with than Larry David and Wanda Sykes!

Last week I met Dr. Abe Recht, my new BFF radiation oncologist, great guy, great bedside manner; he really knows his stats and rays and outcomes. He took a look at my leftie, noticing the ugly red rash around the incisions that started a few days earlier when I wore a wool sweater for the first time this fall. I thought it was dermatitis from the steri-strip adhesive and wool combo. It wasn't responding to cortisone or anything I did..and it was so ANNOYING!

That same day I saw my Nurse Practitioner who identified a skin surface Staph infection necessitating a week of penicillin which I just finished--thankfully all is fine now. But back to my primo nuclear hottie, Dr. R., who I saw last Friday for what the nukies call mapping--where they identify the angles for my customized nuking patterns or mapping as it is called. They use a CAT scanner which looks most like a big donut. One lays on a large tray that moves in and out of the donut hole scanner at the command of the technicians. They use this to shoot light beams on me simulating the X-rays to come while they line up my soon to be glowing pulchritude.

Everyone there was so solicitious, lovely, kind, and warm. These guys, and I mean 4 guys: two docs & two techs, begin by arranging me and my pulchritudes a centimeter at a time on the large tray proding me into just the right position; in fact they put my arms in a sort of arm rest gizmo that holds them in just the right way over my head. This resulted in a sort of Nuke-able Naked Maja Elaine. Think Goya: as they marked me with red and purple markers.

Really, what's not to like about 4 guys staring thoughtfully and appreciatively at my breasts. I haven't had so many guys viewing any part of my anatomy since I went skinny dipping at Woodstock! I did give them some free advice about serving martinis and placing photos on the ceiling of George Clooney, Kevin Costner, etc. Once they had the leftie in position just so, in came Nurse Nuke-Me who pulled out her tattoo gun and nailed me in 4 or 5 spots so they can line me up on November 27th when the real zapping begins! And now, a week later I can hardly see them! So that's my update, I've been walking like crazy, too many good meals and therapeutic treats. Thanks to you all for the wonderful emails and cards and all the great vibes!

PS: if you are a lover of peanut butter check out my sister Annette's website to purchase her hand made all organic Rocky Mountain Peanut Butter. Its made from southwestern peanuts and comes in 3 flavors (chocolate is almost ready); you will be amazed at the Western Zest, Honey Cinnamon, and of course plain wonderful straight peanut butter! Check it out, she's a nurse by day so you know it's healthy and it makes a great gift. http://www.rockymountainpeanutbutter.com/

XOXOX
Elaine