Nuke, Nuking, Nuked. . .

“The unleashed power of the atom has changed everything!”
Albert Einstein

I’m sure Einstein didn’t exactly have me and Princess Di in mind when he said this, but hey, it works.

We’re done! The nuking is over; we’re healing up from our daily dose of cancer killing sunshine—it can take a while to get back to normal. And the best news is that our pre-martini nuking spot, otherwise known as the Beth Israel Waltham Radiation Oncology Center, has a less than 1% recurrence rate, for our type of cancer! Hey, we can live with that, pun intended! [This outcome is slightly less than the general rate reported in the literature. Boston’s best, for more than baked beans!]

To tell you the truth, it wasn’t so horrible, especially with our happy places: Di’s horsey adventures and my Berkshires house to design & decorate. Even with the one breasted sunburn/tans and that ‘hitting the wall’ feeling that overtook us toward the end, it was do-able. The wall hit Princess Di a couple weeks ahead of me—profound fatigue, weary brain, dragging body, and the instantaneous, immediate need to be horizontal! For me, it was intermittent but when it hit, wow! I continued to walk ten mile walks when time and weather allowed.

There were a few times when I literally pushed myself out the door, when the only thing motivating me was a Starbucks stop and the E!-Online Answer Bitch podcast on my Ipod. And the pushing paid off—usually by the time I got to Starbucks, I was game to keep pacing up the bike path toward the next Starbucks! Nuking side effects are frankly mysterious; the docs can’t predict who gets them or what causes them, yet they whomp on one right out of the blue, further reinforcing that this whole odyssey ain’t no joke! It’s still the mortal bitch slap it felt like when our docs said the words breast cancer!

Early on, Nurse Nancy sent us on a field trip to the Lady Grace Lingerie shop to buy no-wire bras as the wires soon irritate the tender nuking sites. So we obliged and bought one black, one beige bra; yikes they were like training bras! It was our third bra selection that was the most important buy in the whole trip—the aspiration bra! Mine is red mesh with white lacy bits and under wires! Princess Di’s, is a lacy nude one; both attained the exact Mae West vibe we were aspiring to for total post nuclear WOW!

Let me tell you, even nuking had its comic moments. Like all twins Di and I nuked together most days and while there we’d joke with Nurse Nancy, Rhonda & Kim, our radiation therapists, and Bunny the receptionist…we made it as much fun as we could. It helped diffuse the stress with a little “what the fu*k” attitude. Just like good accessories, attitude also separates us from the lower forms of life! And speaking of accessories, you can wear them during nuking. Hermes scarves, pearls, earrings, all can stay on. Thank God a gal can maintain standards even while nuking! There were touching moments, too. Nurse Nancy told Bunny that I loved Janis Joplin. Bunny, also a huge Janis Joplin fan, brought a JJ CD in and they played it for me while I was nuking on my last day—a rock n roll mitzvah!

We had a weekly appointment with Dr. Berman, our radiation oncologist, a great guy huge Patriots fan! He answered every wacky anxiety driven question Di and I threw at him. Somehow it came out that he went to the University of Virginia Medical School. Small world moments ensued, I used to work there! He was at UVA while I was head of public services at the UVA Medical Library. I asked him if he remembered coming to my annual meet the new med students keg party on the library deck? He looked at me and said “I did, and now that I think of it, your name is familiar!”

If you ask Dan he’ll tell you his observation of an additional side effect—radiation brain—elevated ditz factors evidenced by: losing my ATM card in my purse (found only after I called to report it missing and failed my 3 security questions—don’t even ask!), continually forgetting certain aspects of his schedule ;-) yes he actually said that, increased instances of opening the fridge, or entering a room and forgetting why, etc. But wait; let’s put it into perspective… Len went to pick Dan up at a babysitting job a couple miles away about midnight night on Christmas Eve and was so engrossed in Laura Ingram’s right wing ranting that he drove away as Dan closed the car’s back door after depositing his backpack…Len drove all the way home before he noticed Dan was not in the car! It will take years for Len to live that one down. I still can’t stop laughing…it makes me and my radiation brain look like Einstein!

At the end of January when nuking was done, Princess Di organized a little dinner celebration at our favorite Belmont joint, Savinos Grill. Her old pal Tom is the Chef, it’s a great new place sort of upper eastside 84th & 3rd Ave vibe—the first in Belmont licensed to serve cocktails in Belmont. We’ve done the research; they serve sublime food & martinis! We really wanted to mark the end of the scary nuclear phase with our families, friends, food & fun, WE’RE DONE!

I’m writing another update about my surprising twist in moving to the drug phase…sex and rock n roll to follow, I hope! Including all about our trip to Paris, à bientôt !

Hugs, kisses, and good vibes going out to all of you!
Elaine

Clint the K - What he Say! Blondie gets the Postsurgical Word!

September 25, 2007

Hey Y'all,
I saw my surgeon yesterday and there's good news and not so good news! No positive lymph nodes! No LVI which is lymphovascular infiltration, also great! The tumor was less than 2Cm so it is considered stage 1, also good news. And because the tumor is estrogen responsive it means I am a candidate for one of the estrogen receptor blockers, but that's for the next doc, the oncologist, to sort out.

The not so good news...my surgeon wants a wider CLEAR margin around where the tumor was. This means that after seeing the lab results on the cellular aspect of what was removed Dr. Koufman wants to go back in and take a bit more just to be very clear and sure. I said fine, but if he has to go in a third time, he does a freebie tummy tuck! This surgery will be easier says Clint the K, and it will be the lovely twilight sleep, not full general anesthesia--way easier on my blonde brain. It happens next friday early morning and I'll be home by noon sleeping it off. Then the next part is radiation for 7 weeks and then the blockers or whatever.

So I took a few extra days after last wednesday's surgery to clear my anesthesia-addled brain and get myself walking up the bike path, feeling like me again. I'm healing really well, though it does take two bras to get out on the bike path while keeping the jiggle factor low.

There's no adequate way to express the depth of my gratitude for you, my friends! I'm simply overwhelmed by your support here in Belmont and literally around the world. It is humbling to bump up against my mortality, but the outpouring of positive thoughts, emails, good vibes, and of course those yummy meals brought over by my 'sisters in the hood' here have nourished me, spurred me out the door to walk it all off and getting me back to feeling like Blondie again.

THANK YOU for the emails, cards, flowers, faboo food, martinis and everything!
XOXOXO
Elaine

Blondie's Bitch Slap

Life is what happens while you're making other plans said John Lennon in his song, Beautiful Boy. All it takes is one bad mammogram to hammer home this truth!

I love going for my annual mammogram because it's always been negative and I could feel, for one more year, that I'd cheated my genetic heritage. So this year I went with my usual let's do it attitude, because I had many other things on my to do list. Yes that was been, past tense! For now and evermore mammogram day will be vastly different for me.

The good news is that in my case the system worked. On Monday the mammo folks called and said they wanted more pictures of my left girl, so my BFF Princess Di said you can't go alone and came with me. The radiologist was there and pointed out to me a funny tiny spot...and said get an ultrasound. So Friday August 31 I went for an ultrasound...Dr. B., the lady radiologist, spoke to me with that deer in the headlights thank god I'm not you this is bad news look on her face...you need a biopsy! This is a mass, says Dr. B, whatever it is--it needs to come out, but don't worry about it over the weekend! Like I couldn't not worry?! So I walk out to my car and call my primary care doc, and she was in. Dr. G. says, well one step at a time, yadda yadda, and I say whatever it is, it needs to come out. I called and left messages with my sister, gal pals and BFFs, and I drive home in stunned shock. At that point I just knew in my bones, it was not nothing...it was going to be very bad news. A karmic bitch slap by my maternal family tree--reaching out of the grave to put a period on my mortality! Thank god for the healing power of martinis & BFFs, I got through the weekend to Wednesday when the biopsy was to be done at 9:00 am. Mostly I got through the weekend by strapping on my Ipod and heading up the bike path for 10 miles or so. I only wanted to walk, and walk and walk. Somehow moving along at blondie speed listening to a novel or a song kept me sane, kept me feeling in control of some part of my body and life.

I wanted to get outside and walk and walk and walk some more. On Wednesday after the biopsy I walked 10 miles, on Thursday I walked 7, and on Friday I walked 6 after I got the call from Dr. G. that yes it is my worst nightmare, Invasive Ductal Carcinoma less than 2Cm and the biopsied lymph nodes were clear, finally the hint of some good news.

What do you do with your gal pals? Drink coffee or martinis? Check out T.J.Maxx bargains? Well I've one upped you there! My BFF Princess Di and I are doing the breast thing together. We're the breast cancer twins of Belmont! Amazingly, a week before me...her highness was diagnosed with breast cancer! Now I must confess here to being a competitive kinda gal (especially when playing Trivial Pursuit) but I never wanted to play this game and win!

Life works in mysterious ways and Di had already lined up all the best Jewish breast cancer docs in Boston. After all, I joined the tribe to avoid buying retail and enjoy all the benefits of fine Jewish doctors and if they were cute and had great chest hair well that's just the icing on the cake, right? My HMO couldn't find a surgeon to see me for over almost 2 months! So, I just decided to join Princess Di's medical team and we would traverse this road together. Sisterhood IS powerful!

Dr. K. could see me on the Monday after my biopsy! So there I was in the surgeon's office still in shock but with an X-ray showing my diagnosis! Dr. K. the most un-surgeon-like cutter I've ever met said, as I was sitting down, "don't worry you are going to be fine!" I said my goal was to rock my grand babies in 15 years, and he said no problem. What a dear, sweet guy, with a terrific sense of humor since he guffawed when I told the ketchup-story of my decision to bolt from Felix & the farm so long ago.

More in the next post. . .3 surgeries! He just couldn't keep his hands off my breast, whatz a gal to do?!

"Sometimes Delores, being a bitch is all a woman has!" Steven King, Delores Claiborne.

“I am woman, hear me roar
In numbers too big to ignore;
And I know too much to go back an' pretend.
'Cause I've heard it all before
And I've been down there on the floor
No one's ever gonna keep me down again!

Oh yes, I am wise
But it's wisdom born of pain;
Yes, I've paid the price,
But look how much I gained!
If I have to
I can do anything!
I am strong,
I am invincible,
I am woman!”